I have moved on

Please visit

http://natalieinjune.wordpress.com

A new page with the peacock banner taken during my trip in London's Kew Garden!
Enjoy!

If this is a year of challenge you laid before me,
please give me the heart of contentment to accept;
please give me a courage to experience Your goodness;
please build a willing and persistent spirit to walk with You;
knowing that You have long written wonderful plans for me

I may be frustrated, disappointed and
even discard You out of my mind
when I am too concerned and self-centred
Lord, please remind me that You would
guide me through the deep valleys of danger
and lift me up again

Adorable Puffin

[puffin on Isle of May, Scotland]

I am less greedy about what I can get my hands on before September heads into my life.
I am perhaps more certain about my own abilities, capabilities and limitations.
I still want to edit my travel photos which I haven't had a good look at for a month or so.
Soreness in my shoulders weighed all year long and it's going to plaster for another year.
Life seems ironic when one lacks conviction
It seems ridiculous when one still chooses
I wish I am smarter and brighter so I can get things out of my way ... obstacles to my dreams.
I miss the wild flowers on the hillside found at Scotland during my beach walk facing the North Sea.

This photo taken 4 years ago is still one of my all-time favorite!

souless

thoughts
steamed
vapourised
my
soul
lost
in the
monotony
of
tall
buildings
glass
-cased
degrees
proving
abilities
steaming
up
personal
convictions
money
drowning
convictions

Sesame

i knew no magic tricks
but tonight
i sprinkled a handful of black sesame
onto my shoes
i shut my eyes
and murmured my wishes

'Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.'

Text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

helpless

striding with faith
i walked and walked
but the sky
suddenly
commanded its soldiers
pouring a trap
that i could hardly
escape from being
helplessly mortified

Do I have the right kind of faith?

quoted from 'Our Daily Bread Sept-Dec 2005'

If your faith is in anyone or anything other than Christ, it is inadequate. Here's how to have the right kind of faith

1. Admit your sinfulness and desire to turn from it. Jesus said, "Unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3)
2. Believe that "Christ died for our sins ... and that He rose again the third day" (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)
3. Trust in Jesus Christ alone as your Saviour and Lord. "Of you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9)

My faith is not in my ability to control my own destiny
My faith is not in my good name and good living
My faith is not in my church or ceremonies
My faith is not in my ability to push all negative thoughts out of my life
My faith is not in my own sincerity
My faith is not in my power to tap some inner, godlike resources
My faith is in Jesus Christ

Henri Cartier-Bresson

IF, IN MAKING A PORTRAIT, you hope to grasp the interior silence of a willing victim, it's very difficult, but you must somehow position the camera between his shirt and his skin.
Whereas with pencil drawing, it is up to the artist to have an interior silence.

Extracts from 'The Mind's Eye' - Henri-Cartier Bresson

'The Picture Story' p.23-29

What actually us a photographic reportage, a picture story? Sometimes there is one unique picture whose composition possesses such vigour and richness, and whose content so radiates outward from it, that this single picture is a whole story in itself. Bu this rarely happens. The elements which, together, can strike sparks from a subject, are often scattered - either in terms of space or time - and bringing them together by force is "stage management", and, I feel, cheating. But if it is possible to make pictures of the "core" as well as the struck-off sparks of the subject, this is a picture-story. The page serves to reunite the complementary elements which are dispersed throughout several photographs.

The picture-story involves a joint operation of the brain, the eye, and the heart. The objective of this joint operation is to depict the content of some event which is in the process of unfolding, an to communicate impressions. Sometimes a single event can be so rich in itself and its facets that that it is necessary to move all around it in your search for the solution to the problems it poses - for the world is movement, and you cannot be stationary in your attitude toward something that is moving. Sometimes you light upon the picture in second, it might also require hours of days. But there is no standard plan, no pattern from which to work. You must be on the alert with the brain, the eye, the heart, and have a suppleness body.

Things-As-They-Are offer such an abundance of material that a photographer must guard against the temptation of trying to do everything. It is essential to cut from the raw material of life - to cut and cut, but to cut with discrimination. While working, a photographer must reach a precise awareness of what he is trying to do. Sometimes you a have the feeling that you have already taken the strongest possible picture of a particular situation or scene, nevertheless, you find yourself compulsively shooting, because you cannot be sure in advance exactly how the situation, the scene, is going to unfold. You must stay with the scene, just in case the elements of the situation shoot off from the core again. At the same time, it's essential to avoid shooting like a machine-gunner and burdening yourself with useless recordings which clutter your memory and spoil the exactness of the reportage as a whole.

Memory is very important, particularly in respect to the recollection of every picture you've taken while you've been galloping at the speed of the scene itself. The photographer must make sure, while he is still in the presence of the unfolding scene, that he hasn't left any gaps, that he has really given expression to the meaning of the scene in is entirety, for afterward it is too late. He is never able to wind the scene backward in order to photograph it all over again.

For photographers, there are two kinds of selection to be made, and either of them can lead to eventual regrets. There is the selection we make when we look through the view-finder at the subject, and there is the one we make after the films have been developed and printed. After developing and printing, you must go about separating the pictures which, though they are all rights, aren't the strongest. When it's too late, then you know with a terrible clarity exactly where you failed, and at this point you often recall the telltale feeling you had while you were actually making the pictures. Was it a feeling of hesitation due to uncertainty? Was it because of some physical gulf yourself and the unfolding event? Was it simply that you did not take into a certain detail in relation to the whole setup? Or was it (and this is more frequent)
that your glance became vague, your eye wandered off?

For each of us space begins and slants off from our own eye, and from there enlarges itself progressively toward infinity. Space, in the present, strikes us with greater or lesser intensity and then leaves us, visually, to be closed in our memory and to modify itself there. Of all the means of expression, photography is the only one that fixes forever the precise and transitory instant. We photographers deal in thins that are continually vanishing, and when they have vanished, there is no contrivance on earth that can make them come back again. We cannot develop and print a memory. The writer has time to reflect. He can accept and reject, accept again, and before committing his thoughts to paper he is able to tie the several relevant elements together. There is also a period when his brain "forgets", and his subconscious works on classifying his thoughts. But for photographers, what has gone forever. From that fact stem the anxieties and strength of our profession. We cannot do our story over again once we've got back to the hotel. Our task is to perceive reality, almost simultaneously recording it in the sketchbook which is our camera. We must neither try to manipulate reality while we are shooting, nor manipulate the results in a darkroom. These tricks are patently discernible to those who have eyes to see.

In shooting a picture-story we must count the points and the rounds, rather like a boxing referee. In whatever picture-story we try to do, we are bound to arrive as intruders. It is essential, therefore, to approach the subject on tiptoe - even if the subject is still-life. A velvet hand, a hawk's eye - these we should all have. It is no good jostling or elbowing. An no photographs taken with the aid of flashing light either, if only out of respect of the actual light - even when there isn't any of it . Unless a photographer observes such conditions as these, he may become an intolerably aggressive character.

The profession depends so much upon the relations the photographer establishes with the people he's photographing, that a false relationship, a wrong word or attitude, can ruin everything. When the subject is in any way uneasy, the personality goes away where the camera can't reach it. There are no systems, for each case is individual and demands that we be unobtrusive, though we must be at close range. Reactions of people differ much from country to country, and from one social group to another. Throughout the whole of the Orient, for example, an impatient photographer - or one who is simply pressed for time - is subject to ridicule. If you have made yourself obvious, even just by getting your light-meter out, the only thing to do is to forget about photography for the moment, and accommodatingly allow the children who come rushing at you to cling to your knees like burrs.

Hugs

[Rodin Museum, Paris]

on looking back

on looking back, if i crudely conclude that i never at one moment liked or enjoyed what i major in ... there are only a few benefits i can draw out from the past 5 years of experience
- i hate long difficult, lengthy sentences
- i discover the beauty of simple words
- i appreciate the visual as a way of expression
- i like to use my ears and hear music
- i learn how to be very patient
- i learn how some people are undeserving to be called teachers and needless to say educators
- i learn why friendships are important
- i learn how people perceive fame and status
- i learn how to regain perspective when i am dissatisfied
- i remember the feelings and emotions of being very satisfied



see, this is the bowl of rosebuds i took in August 2006 when i arrived in Sydney. It holds a lot of my dreams yet to be realised ... i always like the match of the pink and turquoise-green, goes well, right? I wanted to create a book which you can hardly categorise as poetry, design, photography or artistic ... it is a mixture which transcends the rigid boundaries, so it will not be a boring and one-faceted book.

Allusion

"art as resurrection of art gave prominence to three formal principles - allusion, parody, quotation. Of these, the first is the most profound, the true ghostly principle of historical revival, since by allusion the thing alluded to is both there and not there ... Allusion is the basis upon which painting could, step by step, dispense with depiction without loss of meaning. On the contrary, depiction as was already well realised in the nineteenth century, could be an obstacle to communication of the artists' meaning, besides having its age-old mystery extracted by the camera..."
- Harold Rosenberg in his book on Arshile Gorky

[Blue Mountains, Sydney, 2004]

when can i go hiking?

Learning

"Learning is a long-term investment which increases production
Leaning is not restrictive, you can acquire knowledge whenever and wherever you want in solitude
With my hope that all people on earth can become lovers of books and scholars

With my wishes and encouragement for Form 7 graduates

Mr. Leung Ching"


It's an English translation of what Mr. Leung wrote to us in 2003 for the graduation booklet. I've dug it out from my files of papers that I have kept for so many years since I've left SSGC. Sometimes, I do think about the wonderful times in high school ... the teachers who really care about students, their humourous moments, the chats with classmates. It is youth that is most beautiful and innocent!
I am actually very disappointed by the way that learning is conducted in Hong Kong from kindergarten right to university. Perhaps, we should learn how Finland succeeded in teaching their youngsters (there's a recent book on its education system written in Chinese on how students' abilities are discovered and empowered). The Government lacks the conviction to transform the roots of the education system, I simply do not understand how it can enhance Hong Kong's competitiveness in its full potential if it is still reluctant to change. No one is bold enough to walk an extra mile. The Government just ensures themselves from being scolded.

You have taught me to love my life

in peace

Spring is like a perhaps hand - E.E. Cummings

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window, into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here)and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things, while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there) and

without breaking anything.


[Monet's Garden, Giverny, France]

Sydney

My first two rolls of black and film
and several last sets of photos before leaving Sydney
while i am a bit nostalgic about the environment,
i've dug out Robert Gray's poems
to remind me of the scent and appearance of Sydney
i remember buying it when i was in uni year 2
when i was in Sydney for a debating competition
thinking i would never be going back to Sydney
for further education, which happened to be totally wrong
i bought the book in Dymocks because
i wanted to keep something about Sydney,
about Australia
well, seems it's time to revise a bit what
Sydney weighs in my heart
the poetry book has been sitting on my shelf for some time,
it will be happy if i turn its pages

turned so red

the beatle was silvery
and one day
it turned so red
reigining over
the bell of affection
ringing up all souls

The best of life is but

What is life after all but a dream
And why should such bother be made?
Better far to be tipsy, I deem,
And doze all day long in teh shade,
When I wake and look out on the lawn,
I hear midst the flowers a bird sing,
I ask, "Is it evening or dawn?"
The mango-bird whistles, "Tis spring,"
Overpowered with the beautiful sight,
Another full goblet I pour,
And would sing till the moon rises bright -
But soon I'm as drunk as before

Original poem by Li Bai
Translated by Herbert A Giles
from Das Lied von de Erde (The Song of the Earth by Mahler)

Never say Goodbye

If I could take this moment forever
Turn the pages of my mind
To another place and time
We would never say goodbye

If I could find the words I would speak them
Then I wouldn't be tongue-tied
When I looked into your eyes
We would never say goodbye

If I could stop the moon ever rising
Day would not become the night
Wouldn't feel this cold inside
And we'd never say goodbye

I wish that our dreams were frozen
Then our hearts would not be broken
When we let each other go...

If I could steal this moment forever
Paint a picture-perfect smile
So our story stayed alive
We would never say goodbye

'Never Say Goodbye' was sung by Hayley Westenra in her first album 'Pure'. The lyrics are nice and the equally the music ... which is a tune from Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' (Pavane for a Deceased Infanta 1899, dedicated to Princess E. de Polignac). Hayley's music is currently my study companion!

4 weeks and 2 days

my perception of a month has changed
no longer as rigid as January or February
it's now newly defined as from a
Tuesday night 4 weeks and 2 days ago

This is the A1 size poster for Hansun entitled 'What can be more amazing than the sparks of fireworks?'


In return for my surprise, I received a few surprises too. Thanks so much indeed!

A handmade ring of affection made by Hansun ... a brilliant attempt by soldering it together!

The message on this card is touching ... but i won't disclose it here!

Euphoria

[lava lamp casting light onto the Gallelio thermometor]

the glass of temperature
absorbs
the euphoria of lava
tossing its pink radiation

Macau

These photos were taken early last year before the some new casinos were in operation. I still disagree with how a city should develop and fully indulge itself in such a dangerous expedition. The news articles about how young people only focus on how to earn money quickly without appreciating the beauty of acquiring knowledge is just saddening. It's a silent suicide that greediness towards wealth slowly encroaches the city. Macau has its wonderful cultural and heritage assets. What is a government doing when it is simply pouring pestilence to the hearts of its people. How can it sustain?

This is an entry written last year about my trip:

I have just been to Macau over the weekend ... haven't been there for many years, if i remember correctly, that should be 5. There's a new slogan 'City of Dreams', echoing the springing up of casinos literally everywhere. Either they are being built along main roads or in new areas, causing great inconvenience walking on pavements. The flooding in of borrowed images denoting grandeur could be found when you just look around: huge chandeliers, lit up glass panes, biege coloured marble floors, Venetian styled appearances, musical fountains, you name it! I had this utmost absurd feeling when people stood in front of casinos and took photos as if they are new landmarks, worthy of remembering ... perhaps some had 'earned' great fortune? I did take some photos of casinos but I felt strongly people are wrongly inclined to this kind of 'activities'. The dream of earning by luck, the greater dream of becoming a millionaire in the city saturated with gambling opportunities. I don't know how sustainable an economy 'indispensible' of gambling could survive when the global economic waves hit in another cycle.

There was a very interesting conversation when our whole family was on the way to the pier, a taxi driver teased how Hong Kong's economy is dwindling, not as vibrant as theirs. He even said that if he had the chance of being employed he wouldn't consider coming due to the lower salary. Most ironically, he even said he could save up more because he simply evades tax in Macau, a widespread acceptable practice.

Though the trip was thought-provocative, we had so much Portugese food in just two days ... I quite like the old places there, especially 'Ma Kok', but just didn't have enough time to document these structures and happenings. The weather wasn't that fabulous, always cold and cloudy, so I guess the night shots are better!

Perhaps Love

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don`t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

well .... I sang this song for my dear Grandma on her April Fool's b-day! She loved it and enjoyed! I learnt this song when I was in primary school and I really like the lyrics as there are many wonderful metaphors and images of what love is and could be.

To see a world in a grain of sand

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

from William Blake's 'Auguries of Innocence'

My father has this funny habit of occasionally reading the palms of his dear children. Though he does not believe in the Chinese tradition of reading palms taking the meaning of a direct correlation to our future, he likes to entertain and be self-entertained by making jokes out of the lines clearly maked in our palms. He closely observes the lines and make bold, imaginative statements of the so-called future lying ahead of us. It was when I came across this poem at high school that I felt strongly about the line 'hold infinity in the palm of your hand'. My palms won't be telling me verbatim what will happen in a decade or the rest of my life, but it holds much promise which will be unfolded in time. In reality, no one will disagree that it is impossible to realise these lines and they only remain in our vivid imagination. Whenever I take a deep breath and close my eyes, the images are gradually woven bit by bit under my eyelids.

when autumn is quite not the season

when autumn is quite not the season
piles of yellow fallen leaves
scattered and stamped by,
amalgamating with the concrete
the aroma of being trodden
wafted to my nose
the green smell,
no,
the yellow smell
suddenly smacked
by the unfriendly wind
uplifting wheels of curves
dialling them frantically
downslope

My packed and playful day before exams

last choir practice before exams
played the organ to accompany the choir - Alleluia! Christ is Risen
to query about God and ask for an answer
AGM of Church
lunch with granny, aunt, mum, cousins
meeting about the reconstruction of the Church
To Central Library
The Art & Craft of Making Jewellery by Joanna Gollberg
Lonely Planet's 'One People, Many Journeys'
Performance Art at Times Square, met my teachers of performance art and a Cambodian artist, Htein Lin there (www.htelin.com)
Marks & Spencer, very elegant Magnolia cream
Jimmy Liao's art exhibition of his illustrated works
read out Bramley Hedge
a chapter from Guidance and the Voice of God
deep discussion about the Christian faith
a delicious and relaxed hot pot
Franc Franc - to experience the horrible pricing of goods
discussion about umbrellas from Mr Ho at Peel Street
window shopping for shoes
Welcome for muffins
HMV - shopped for CDs (Brahms' music and La Vie En Rose)
tried out jackets
sorting out who's stuff is whose
home with a pampered spirit

The Man of Honey

there's this man
not made of flesh
but built by honey
slabs of yellow
solidified into
clear, sturdy layers
pile up against the sky
he melts in warmth
and mightily sculpts itself
into brilliant shapes
spectacularly transformed
with sparkling glitters,
charm and handsomeness

My Minnie

[my baby minnie!]

It is described by Hong Kong Disneyland in the following way: 'Minnie is a good friend to all. An accomplised actress, she has been Mickey's leading lady since the beginning. She's also a fasion trendsetter with a sense of style, lilting voice and versatile flair.'

The reason that I bought this baby Minnie instead of a grown-up Minnie is because of my childhood dream of having one. When I went to Tokyo Disneyland at the age of 4 and at that time my sister was just born, my mother decided to buy a baby Minnie for my sister, which in actual fact I like it very much. I hinted to my mother that I really would like to have one too but she didn't pick up the message. My mother bought me a grown-up Minnie which still at present, I do not have special attachment to it. The baby Minnie is really adorable especially its pose ... as it crawls on the ground with its baby pink clothing! And as sisters, our stupid quarells surrounded that innocent poor little Minnie, so it was sewn a bit around the neck because I kept on having tug of wars with it, haha!

As I like to put a voice into this baby Minnie, I could read her mind and I am pretty sure she wants to say she is very happy and contented being Mickey's best friend.

wearing

[flowers at Monet Garden, Giverny, France]

wearing this pink
the dots of water
spotlight
the tiny petals

Good Friday

[candles in Notre Dame, Paris]

Dear God,

I thank You for teaching and challenging me on what is meant by forgiveness. You sacrificed your only Son for our accumulated worthless sins. You did so because You love us and we are Your children. You provide us with the essentials of life, You inspire us to love one another; Your Son went through the sufferings and understood the needs of human. If it weren't the forgiveness that You demonstrated and exemplified to us, we wouldn't have learnt how to forgive other people. I thank so much for what You have done.

Your daughter

We Adore You
O Lord God
Adoramus Te
Domine Deus

Lord, have mercy
Christ, have mercy
Lord, hear us
Christ, hear us
Have mercy
O Lord
Kyrie, eleison
Christe, eleison
Kyrie, exaudinos
Domine

Come to me
all who are labour
and are heavy burdened
you shall find rest
Learn from me, take my yoke
I am meek and gentle
humble of heart
Come to me
you who thirst
from my heart living waters flow
Come to me, learn from me
You shall find rest

You are the centre
You are my life
You are the centre
O Lord, of my life
Come, Lord, and guide me
Lord of my life
Send me your Spirit
Lord of my life
You are the centre of my life
Give me your Spirit
and teach me your ways
give me your peace
Lord, and set me free
You are the centre
Lord, of my life

Natalie at the promenade

[credits to Mr. Teddy Ng for taking it wonderfully]

Mr. Hansun Chan said this is the photo he fell in love with me despite the camera covering half of my face!


[taken by Mr. Hansun Chan at Wanchai while i was staring at something ... nice shot!]

at 6:55

at 6:55am
i am listening to
Clarinet Evergreens
by far the only CD
of pure clarinet music
recently bought
how i wish
i am listening to
some live Clarinet music
every morning
instead

Another creature

[decorations, taken at home]

everything seems surreal
seems too true to be the truth
love is certainly another creature

a wonderful journey

[Sydney Opera House, Australia]

it was the pulse of music that we encountered
it was your pair of listening ears that touched me
it was the kind patience that I built trust
it was your curiosity that interested me

thanks for embarking with me on a wonderful journey ahead

please

please could you revert time back to 5 years ago?
i am a fairy losing its shimmering magic dust
or a seagull losing its proud feathers

Passionfruit

[inspired from a cup of passionfruit tea at Starbucks]

i am lost ... where's my passion and confidence

[taken at the promenade at Causeway Bay, Hong Kong]

emotionally criss-crossing

• why do people just walk out of my life
• why do people die
• the thought that people die frightens me
• why am i doing things i so dislike
• why can't other people be initiators
• why can't i get comforts
• why am i forgotten

i am out of photos to say how emotionally criss-cross i am

Incessant Waves

[Dee Why, Sydney]

What does it feel to stand under those beds of rocks with waves crashing incessantly

Experimental fireworks

Photographing fireworks so much more enjoyable by NOT capturing the patterns it purport to display themselves. The play of light and darkness have infinite combinations to set you on a different visual journey. By simply doubling our vision, we can appreciate what we might have imagined in our minds.

Happy Valentine's Day

Well .... Valentine's Day was celebrated at home with my dear younger sister and brother. This was the setting!

To create the ambiance, we decided to use the crystal rose bowl with a candle floating on the water. Then, we (rather, I should say me) decided to pretend we were in a luxurious restaurant sipping bits of champagne or wine in a crystal wine glass .... so I pulled out 3 wine glasses and poured some grape juice with aloe to satisfy ourselves a bit. Anyway, that was good so we won't get drunk ... but on the flip side, my parents could have been a bit more thoughtful and let us finish a good bottle of wine from their collection while they were enjoying their dinner! My sister was kind enough to rearrange all the food nicely on the plate! We had beef laid under the rice, mushroom and some vegetables for dinner! As for dessert, we had lovely Krispy Creme in heart shape with cream inside! It was absolutely delicious!!

Happy Chinese New Year

[fireworks]


[fire cracker]

I sewed pieces of small red craft paper onto a thick white card. Then I sprinkled some silver glitters on the empty space. Wishing you all a wonderful year of rat!